biotch! diaryland wouldnt let me add this thursday...
someone’s actually interested in me, and he’s scaring the hell out of me. i don’t think it’s the actual prospect of the relationship that makes me want to RUN, it’s what he’s saying. chris imed me a few nights ago, and out of the blue, told me he wanted to go out with me- things didn’t work out with his last girlfriend. so already im thinking “rebound”, and he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious. the way he talks online is really weird, he would use all caps for like a whole sentence and then go back to lowercase again. anyway, i told him that maybe i would go out with him, if he asked me. i never really thought about him in 'that way' before, but he always seemed nice- quiet, though- and not bad looking, so i didn’t see why not. but tonight he imed me again, and he kind of freaked me out. he reminded me about our convesation before, and then he was like, ‘do you think we could ever get serious?’ even though before he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious at all. he also said he didn’t mean it in a sexual way, although "that would be nice", but he didn’t want to rush anything, because I was a nice girl and he didn’t want to ruin things between us- unless i "forced him :-)". WHOA. and i don’t even know him that well- we‘ve talked, but it‘s not like we‘re best buds, so i just said we’d have to see if anything got serious, because i didn’t even know what was going on. and then..THEN, he starts asking me what i think of him.. “what kind of qualities do u look for in a boyfriend and do I have them”..that kind of thing. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to sit and analyze his qualities when i don’t even know what his qualities are, really? then he was like, ‘what do you look for in a first date…what would be ideal’ and im all, ‘whatever would be ideal for you’ because i thought he was talking about where we would go or something. and he’s like, ’would there be kissing?’ and that’s so stupid, because obviously people don’t plan that kind of thing out.. “and next on the itinerary, at approximately 9:00, we’ll be making out in my car.” you know, it just doesn’t happen that way, and i told him that, and then i got the hell offline. i don’t know. it just seems to me that his idea of a relationship sounds a little forced…or contrived, or whatever. and it seems like my instinct to run away from it isnt just me getting scared of a relationship…but of course i have to contradict myself then, thinking that maybe im being too picky and this nagging on his part is a minor fault. ahhh. he’s going to new york tomorrow, too…which ill update on on saturday.
friends <3
ash
rach
nika
skank
jess
mere
bri
shell
kelly
laura
jamie
kris