you'll die trying to live this down

we're walking around the pool...
June 19, 2003 / 5:23 pm

today, school was just…hell. probably the worst day ive had in awhile. i realize that a lot of my “friends” don’t really care at all about me. im just an add-on, an extra, one more gifter for the birthday parties, a nuisance, someone to talk to when there’s no one better around, etc. i know this, and ive known it for a long time, but there’s really nothing i could do about it because im around them SO much, and usually not by choice. for some reason, today i was just…dwelling on it. lynnae was being a bitch to me, which she does whenever she feels like taking her bad mood out on someone else. noel and holly and i all kind of hung out for awhile, we got closer because of tutoring and everything, and we were sitting there… noel just turned to holly and mentioned that they should hang out sometime during the summer, and didn’t say a word to me. i just got up and left after a few minutes of that; i wasn’t about to sit there while they discussed all of the fun things they can do together. i walked into hileman’s today and said ‘hi’- because i know all of the people that were in there. NOBOBY said hi back. no one. so i said it again. nothing. and then, when i left, i said goodbye…you know, i thought maybe they would have gained some decency in the last hour or so…yeah, i got no response. they weren’t mad at me, just not…low enough to talk to me, i guess. ignorant bitches. it’s common decency. seriously, what is wrong with people? but i know..i know im not completely exempt from behavior like this…i do it to people, to some extent, too, and it’s bad. maybe it’s karma. but still.

on top of that, i was sucking it up big time at nerts.

i called in to 99.1 and won rock the mic tickets for july 2..that kind of put me in a better mood. im sure as hell not taking any of the people mentioned above...i dont even know how many i get, but im guessing it's two.

before work i fell asleep and had a dream that i was inadvertently following hillary clinton around- from toys r us (where this guy i know, dave, was working although he doesn’t really work there) to the mall parking lot which was also doubling as a talk show place. and i think she was getting a little scared because i was right there every time she went somewhere.

i want to hate you half as much || as i hate myself