you'll die trying to live this down

when his eyes were open…and when his eyes were closed. that’s all the time!
June 13, 2003 / 11:13 am

it was the last day of school in my dream, and i was looking through this year’s yearbook (which we don’t have yet) and looking at the people who signed it…i noticed kirstin didn’t sign it yet so i told her she didn’t, and she was like, ‘yeah, i havent’. so i try to give it to her so she can sign it, but she wont because “i have good clothes on and i don’t want to get them stained with marker” and im all, “well you can use a pen…” but she makes up some other excuse, so i get all huffy about it.
Suddenly i was in a manhattan mall, where apparently i used to work for like one weekend. i walked into this clothing store, and said something to the effect of “ill only work for 10 dollars an hour, that’s how much you need me.” lmao. and the guy in there listed off all this stuff that had to be done, and i didn’t know what some of it meant, so i left and went outside to go to the second floor. he came out after me and said something like, why was i going outside to watch the sports teams, and i replied “because that’s where all of the sports teams PLAY.”
im afraid to go to sleep again.

i need to stop thinking so much about having a relationship. why should i suddenly care? lots of people have never even had a boyfriend at my age; it’s not abnormal if you’re not dating someone at every moment. but for some reason this nagging voice in my head has been telling me that ill never have a boyfriend EVER AGAIN, and it’s freaking me out.

i became a navy seal at work yesterday! it was a proud moment.

my foot started hurting so badly yesterday that i could hardly walk on it...and now suddenly it's completely better. hmm.

i still feel bad for bad-mouthing deanna yesterday. she’s always been relatively decent to me, and i know she’s done some shady stuff, but i realized that i don’t even know the full story about any of that, so i don’t really have the right.

okay. i hate when i ask to borrow something, or someone borrows something from me, and i don’t get it (or get it back) for the longest time.

i have a dentist appointment today, and i think it's to fill a cavity. blah. i also have the acts tomorrow! blah again.

and finally, i shouldn’t have told he who has no name so much so soon…but i felt like i had to say SOMETHING. i HATE that. shit, now im going to have to invite him along no matter what. i know he's trying to start something with me, but why now? he leaves in 4 days, and he's going for three weeks, and the very next week i leave for two weeks. still, though. ive been wanting this for 4 months. i can wait another one.

i want to hate you half as much || as i hate myself